ALTit’s a love story
Caught in the rain.
Have we appreciated yet how inevitable the breakup really was? The truth is, whether the metatrash orchestrated it or to what extent he did, Aziraphale going back to Heaven and Crowley refusing to go back to Heaven was the only way that situation could have played out. The minute the metatrash offered Aziraphale the chance to right the wrong of Crowley's Fall, it was over. Offering Aziraphale the supreme archangel gig was just insurance.
Aziraphale was always going to want to redeem Crowley because he doesn't (yet) understand the Fall, what it cost Crowley, what it's actually done for Crowley, and how Crowley was fundamentally changed by it. Aziraphale does not yet know what Crowley knows of Heaven - and Aziraphale can't have known it yet. But he will, and this breakup is how he gets the opportunity to learn what he needs to learn to finally, finally understand what it means for him and Crowley to be on their own side.
And Crowley,who would follow Aziraphale anywhere and do anything for him? He cannot follow him back to Heaven, he cannot pretend to "be an angel" again for Aziraphale, because it is literally impossible. Crowley can't undo the millennia of growth he's undergone, he can't be un-cast out of the fold, he can't be un-unwanted by God and he can't be un-unloved. That's his lived experience of being fallen and nothing could change that for him.
There's no world where Crowley accepts the offer, and there's no world where Aziraphale refuses it. Not with them as they are right now together and separately in their arcs. And maybe that's part of why it's so painful to watch and dissect, because they hurt each other so badly and they don't want to, but it's actually inescapable. They're in a trap that they can't see until it springs. Snap. The elevator closes.
worried that squirrels were eating all the birdseed, so we set up a camera
i do not think that is a squirrel
New more mature way of dealing with being bad at things I thought i would be good at
Sitting whispering to my self " being bad at stuff is normal part of on the way to being good at it" over and over (still angry)
thinking about the whole "only queer ppl should play queer characters" thing and how Lee Pace got flack for playing a gay drag queen back in the day by his homophobic father. when he accepted the role he said "there was something about telling this story that was important to me" even before he was out / maybe even before he himself knew that he wasn't straight....like maybe we should stop demanding that actors either out themselves or give up roles that speak to them, even if he hadn't come out, the role meant something to him, it meant challenging his father's attitude, and fuck if it didn't have a profound impact on me as a young in-the-closet teen watching him perform it.